Schoolgirl Tendencies and Long-Forgotten Twinges of the Heart

During my inner-child bonding moments, I tell myself I will never subscribe to my peers' tendency of talking too much about their love lives - both real and imaginary. It's not that I don't enjoy the hormonal fluctuations that leave me feeling high for weeks on end - because I enjoy kilig stories just as much as the next girl - it's just that there are times when I feel talking about "love" is excessive. For example:

Oh my God, I just saw him today, and he was so cute!

Despite that random impersonation being an utter failure of an illustration, I'm sure you get the idea. I do not enjoy going fangirl over people I see up close on a regular basis - the idea of seriously stalking a person and dreaming about being together with said person just didn't appeal to me.

Lately though, I've (involuntarily) been waking up to the image of one person - and it's becoming increasing difficult to pull myself from dreams which I find lucid enough to be alarming. (This snooze syndrome has "encouraged" me to cut through two early morning classes this week alone - but that's another story.) What's worse is that during my supposedly waking hours, I also think of said person - the WORST part is I actually enjoy thinking about him.

Whatever happened to the me who was cynical about "love"? Katkat once commented I was "too young to be jaded"; this she concluded after one conversation - in McDo Philcoa, no less. I've never been particularly emotional, or prone to posting love-related status messages on Facebook. So why why why does my balance go berserk with a single thought of this person?

I wanted a solution to this personal dilemma. Predictably, I turned to signs from heaven for help:

If, on the 23rd of July, any of these three events would NOT occur, I would quit him for good:

1. Airplanes by BoB feat. Hayley Williams playing somewhere

2. Seeing Baby James Yap anywhere

3. Sunny weather from 2:30PM-4:00PM

The morning flitted by uneventfully - though I dreamed about him again, I managed to get out of bed 45minutes before my first class. Early afternoon came and I was beginning to feel depressed; owing to my absent-minded nature, I actually sang Airplanes to myself. Also, I had scoured the day's PDI, and there was no sign of Bimby on any page. Around 1:50 in the afternoon, I was sitting in my NatSci1 class, wondering how the day would end.

And then thunder boomed. I knew it was going to rain, tsk. What I didn't expect was for the skies to pour all its pent-up raindrops - hoarding, just to spite the presently-smelly people of Metro Manila - from 2 to about 4PM that day. God's just got the funniest sense of humor, doesn't He?

After that, I knew this was my customized wake-up call; the high was just too good to be true. And although this evening, I came across a picture of the Aquino-Yap family (minus Josh) on the cover of Buzz, wala na, alam na. I'm surrendering. I'm too transparent to lie about my feelings anyway, so nipping a potential love story in the bud is my best course of action.

I'm posting this rant here just to humor myself. Ma'am Grace, after my heart broke that year, told me that one day I'd look back on everything that had happened and laugh - which was true. I'm hoping that at the end of this year, when I look back on this post, I'll laugh. And I'll think how hilarious it is that I was so frustrated by a scenario that was too vague to cause any serious problems in the first place.

INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, not very altruistic, not very complimentary, would rather be friendless than jobless, observer, values solitude, perfectionist, detached, private, not much fun, hidden, skeptical, does not tend to like most people, socially uncomfortable, not physically affectionate, unhappy, does not talk about feelings, hard to impress, analytical, likes esoteric things, tends to be pessimistic, not spontaneous, prone to discontentment, guarded, does not think they are weird but others do, responsible, can be insensitive or ambivalent to the misfortunes of others, orderly, clean, organized, familiar with darkside, tends not to value organized religion, suspicious of others, can be lonely, rarely shows anger, punctual, finisher, prepared

favored careers:

scientist, dictator, forensic anthropologist, systems analyst, philosopher, nuclear engineer, political analyst, researcher, statistician, scholar, research scientist, computer scientist, software designer, curator, computer programmer, aerospace engineer, electrical engineer, paleontologist, english professor, philosophy professor, chemical engineer, epidemiologist, forensic scientist, museum curator, research assistant, mechanic, astronomer, figher pilot, librarian, systems administrator, neurosurgeon, book editor, biotechnology, archeologist, lab tech, bookstore owner

disfavored careers:

advertising executive, job in entertainment industry, performer, singer, art therapist, childcare worker, bartender, dj, even coordinator, hair dresser, wedding planner

Happy Stress

So I haven't written for a coupla weeks now - it's school, darnit, school. Admittedly, I had plenty of time to drop a line or two, but I didn't really have anything remotely interesting to share then. I guess I still don't have anything remarkable to relay... But anyway, I miss blogging. So please pardon this half-brained exercise of ranting random thoughts. It's a habit I haven't been relishing lately....

Some reminders for myself now that I'm a senior, supposedly mature and street-smart:

1. Get off at the right stop. Since June 1, you've gotten lost TWICE because you didn't get off where you were supposed to. The first time, you rode a jeep in Philcoa, which wound its way through Cubao, before it passed by Philcoa again and you finally realized you were back where you started. The second time, you rode a Katipunan jeep, fully intending to get off at Balara, only to realize you missed your chance to say para, thus, leaving you no choice spare getting off in front of Petron. Again. Presence of mind, dear. This ain't a reflex contest, but it's not playtime in tellytubby land either.

2. Jog around the acad oval to boost your stamina. If you don't, you'll feel faint in Women's Basketball again; do you want Coach Juliano to force you to lie down? That aside, energy is a prereq for this game. Just imagine how many calories you and your classmates burn each time you scream whenever the ball's within a three-meter radius!

3. Don't go to the tambayan if you want to study. If you go there, you'll think of nothing but playing Mismo, exchanging playful barbs with Ging, or attempting to answer crossword puzzles with Simoun. Don't. Even. Think. About. It. The girls might even force you to teach them Nobody if the Desabelles aren't around.

4. Watch a movie more than once if you really like it. Chances are, you'll shed that tear you've been keeping in check the first time around. Say, Toy Story 3, which you watched with Mary the first time - the cinema being so jampacked you had to sit apart - and with PC the second time. The first time, the Andy-Woody drama made you sniff; the second time, a tear actually rolled out of your tearducts. So rewatch movies if you like them. Just not on a Nodame-marathon level, okay? You don't have time.

By the way, time can't be gold. Gold can be exchanged, it can be a commodity, or an alternative to money. But time? Can't be exchanged. If it flits by, it's flitted by. There's no catching it back.