Mysterium

Given I'm supposedly one of the 166 graduating students of UPSE this semester - never mind that our thesis adviser told my TP and me that our first draft was pangit - I tried to support the Grad Comm by finding their booth in the UP Fair. K had told me they were hosting a tarot card reading, palm reading, occult-ish booth, so the night of Loverage5 I dragged R to a likely-looking table lit by a single candle.

R had her future read first - 3 questions, 50 pesos. Cute questions, actually, although I doubt I'm allowed to share them here - heads up though, one was about marriage. I had my 3 questions read next, but unfortunately, it turns out Mr. Raider Waite reader was too tired to predict my future properly, so Miss Gnome took over. And my three questions:

Q: Sinong makakatuluyan ko?

A: You're thinking of someone, but that person is not The One. If you push your luck with him, you will end up being vain and bitter [ano 'to, Desiderata???] because he will always make you feel like you're never good enough for him.

Q: Makakatulong ba ako sa Pilipinas someday?

A: No. You have to fix yourself first, because you don't know who you are. For some reason, you're trying to hide your bubbly-happy self, hiding behind a straight-laced, by-the-book persona. So to help your country, you have to let go first.

Q: Anong magandang i-second degree?

A: Do not take something just to spite anyone. Take something you really want.

And my analysis:

I'm not thinking of any guy in particular!!! [Although, yes, like any boyfriend-less person, I do have an image of my ideal guy - go ahead, guffaw.] I get the reading though, about not letting Imaginary Guy take over reality - 'cause if I keep trying to find someone just like him, I'll... never find anyone, haha.

The second answer was a let-down. Miss Gnome said something about learning to be vain because I was too selfless, which is completely off. [I'm completely selfish, only I don't tell people because I roll that way.] It's cool though, how she knew I'm reserved and strict compared with most people my age - or maybe it's in my face?

And re: the last question. Uh. Sorry. Doesn't help at all. Didn't you just say I don't know myself well enough? And now you're telling me I should stick with what I want to do???

[But please, visit their home site: mysteriumphilippines.org. It's actually kind of cool, knowing we have an occult academy in the Philippines.]

How to be a YouTube Celebrity

Lunch with Paraluman Conspiracy earlier today. It's a sorta-habit of ours to meet up at least once a month, for dinner or lunch, or whatever. We try to talk about things, like who's dating who - and other less gossip-ish stuff, of course. And walking home, it struck me how different N and T are now compared to their old, freshie selves.

About two or three years ago, I could still keep up with their conversations about music, about books, and about artsy-fartsy films. But now, I can't even put in my two cents' worth about T's fanfiction.net rebirth - as if I'd lost all capacity to elicit an opinion from my inner depths or something. It's as if... I've stagnated, and they've grown so much more than I have. Kind of sad, really, not being able to relate fully to your friends.

So I pondered on what I've been doing these past three years, what I've been doing that caused me to veer off the shared track of N and T. And I realized, I haven't been doing anything at all. Except, maybe, finish about twenty anime series, befriend half the Asian romcom celebrity sphere, and write tons of fanfic crap. Which, really, isn't much. Wow. Three years of regression.

But enough ranting. My latest addiction this week is YouTube. I've discovered some really fun people through it, like my future husband kevjumba, my future groomsman nigahiga, and my future bridesmaid happyslip. I'd totally embed their vids here, only I don't know how to... embed. So anyway.

J asked me why I like kevjumba more than I like nigahiga. Tough question - after all, nigahiga's more popular. Thing is, though, I think Kevin's actually a really serious person once you get to know him - the competitive, irritable type who involuntarily hides behind a comedian persona. I like that in people - knowing they have layers you have to peel to get to know who they truly are. Plus, Kevin's got a much cooler voice, and his editing is better than nigahiga's. And I like how he allots a portion of his YouTube royalties to charities - plus points, too, for his cute relationship with his dad.

So yeah, just me, ranting.

My Future is Like Koko Krunch

And I doubt I even spelled my future right. 0.o

Afternoon. I rushed to the tambayan because Julian had scheduled another round of Harana Express promo | pakapalan-ng-mukha-for-a-cause, this time by the Chem Pav. I got to FC first, but when I texted him, he said he was still at the Job Fair. And I didn't mind the 'gig' being cancelled - just trudged back to the tambs.

I got there before he and Ands returned from the Job Fair, bearing company freebie pens and stories about how they got rejected-at-first-sight because they had apparently graduated from the wrong course. And as Luka, and then Mer, joined the conversation, I just sat across the table from them, trying to focus on Volume 1 of True Philippine Ghost Stories, trying to ignore the fact that I haven't even considered sending my resume to any companies.

Truth is, I don't want to weave the corporate circuit. I love the power dressing, and the power lunches, and the power tripping - so much drama, like Gossip Girl for adults - but it's not the type of world I see myself carving my name into. Truth is, I've only considered two career tracks in my life: teaching, or becoming a glorified bureaucrat.

Scratch the first option, obviously. Although I love teaching, seriously, there is nothing I'm good enough at that I can share to other people - because who'd pay 3K to listen to someone rant about how twisted the Onii-chan no Koto series is? And, well, even if I knew how to teach, to quote the lovable [albeit fictional, sadly] Lucas Pineda, "the salary is (sic) the pits." Unless, of course, you teach in the Ateneo, or somewhere else just as considerate.

So joining the government is my goal now. I really really want to work for the Philippines. Never mind the slow promotions, and our infamous brand of corruption - I've seen my parents at their jobs for as long as I can remember, and they seem to be having kick-ass fun making people's lives better. As for the money... well, it's not as if I'm planning to get married anyway. So no kids' tuition, no car installment, and on weekends off I can actually plant vegetables in my imaginary backyard to sell for extra income.

... The point is ...

How do you tell people you think you're about to graduate from the wrong course? I don't think it's a case of me not studying enough, and being a lazy bum - I'm just one of those lax personalities who don't put effort into anything they don't find particularly appealing. And believe me, I've tried to find Econ appealing. I've tried fooling my inner child, I've tried reading Freakonomics. But my inner child's too whacked to think pragmatically, and Jenny never gave my copy of Freakonomics back. Basically, Econ is not my future.

And the million dollar question: What is?