Making It, Breaking It

The hosts of Miss Universe 2010, that beautiful woman and that "lost-looking" celebrity host - who kept me wishing that more competent Mario guy was there - predicted during the beginning of the show that the Question and Answer portion would make or break a candidate's shot at the crown. For Venus Raj, Miss Philippines Universe, it broke her. Badly.

All things considered, her answer wasn't stupid. Her question was: What's the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life, and what did you do make it right? Her answer was that she had never done anything "major, major" BAD in her life, and that her family had always given her everything she'd ever needed. Which is a pretty decent, honest answer to the question, methinks. It was relatively well said, too, disregarding the whole "major, major" incident and all.

Still, Molave's entire TV area erupted in cries of horror - complete with the act of hair-pulling, care of me, of course - as Venus' laughing face was magnified on the TV before us. And I'm pretty sure the reaction isn't unique to this group of rather arrogant, relatively intelligent college students who expected much more from Venus. I think it's safe to guess that nationwide, Filipinos from all walks of life, possessing varied levels of educational attainment and personal wealth, cringed, internally or externally, at Venus' answer.

Being me, though - that is, a person prone to yakking off incoherently once placed on an elevated platform, whatever the height - I completely understand how her answer transformed into that. Stress. Self-consciousness. Her firm belief that she'd never done anything "major, major" wrong EVER. So in case anyone's reading this - and I'm not banking on THAT - don't laugh at her. And no rolling of eyes, either. I mean, imagine if we sent Janina San Miguel instead.

This whole fiasco made me realize three things though: 1) that no matter how beautiful you are, or how well you carry yourself, what's inside that skull of yours makes or breaks everything; 2) that life boils down to a few moments; and, 3) that if I had been asked that question, I'd say I never took my studying seriously - ponder where that can take you.

On Family

I was scratching the cat in the Faculty Center earlier this afternoon when a certain professor briskly walked past me, a little girl held in his right arm. Instantly, I lost track of what my companion was saying - which was pretty irresponsible, considering we were discussing how we would handle our report next week given two of our groupmates have completely evaporated - and got to my feet, following said professor with my eyes as he walked on, completely oblivious of the stare glued to his remarkably clean blue shirt. (Ehem. Let me clarify he wasn't exactly Best Dressed Faculty Member of 2007 when he taught me.)

I thought he would keep that pace until he reached SC, which is where I think he goes whenever he walks via the Freshie Walk, but when I saw him again - I was momentarily distracted by the perfunctory goodbye I threw at my groupmate - he had turned left of the road, down the literal untrodden path, into the woods, and whatever cliche you wish to use for Diliman's lagoon area. He wasn't exactly talking to the little girl, but I'm sure he didn't just wander off that way because he was looking for the proverbial fertility tree. Seeing him, the little girl held close, I thought of my father, what we must have looked like fifteen years ago...

And then, yes, perhaps the thought of a certain friend being a dad did cross my mind.

***

Eiga Sai is here again; it's depressing my schedule won't allow me to watch everything I wish. Good thing though, that my father came for dinner late, so I managed to watch 3/4 of TOKYO TOWER Mom and Me and Sometimes Dad starring Odagiri Joe.

It was honestly bizarre, seeing the guy whose name I'd been playing in my head forever - fine, ever since I discovered Kashii Yu was married. Surprisingly, he's not just a handsome face; he actually made me cry. Or maybe the actress playing his mother did. Either way, it was heartrending to see the cancer slowing sapping away his mother's life. I never want that to happen to my family, to anyone I love. And just when he was starting to make it up to her, too....

Stagnation

16th August, 12:29 AM

Has it ever bothered you that 12MN is also known as 12AM when it actually follows 11PM?

Had a long, enjoyable, enlightening talk with Chinnie at the Araneta complex earlier. We sat on those stone borders separating the Araneta Coliseum plant life from the sidewalks, chatting for hours, pondering the behavior of our friends, discussing the concept of stagnation.

Stagnation. To me, it seems the complete antithesis of progress. So if one doesn't progress at all, that's literally decay, even if one does manage to produce "something". Personally, the idea is vague to me. I'm not an artist, or even an artsy type, so I don't know how to gauge my "progress" as a person. Is growth measured by the number of friends you accumulate in your Facebook account? Is it the steady rise of your grades from freshman year to senior year? (Empirically, I would argue such a case is close to impossible, but anyway.) Is it the number of books or movies you've read or seen, including the amount of reviews you've written about them? What is growth? How do you know you're maturing, developing as a person?

Is it always something other people have to point out for you to understand? Must your opinion of yourself always be based on what other people - regardless of whether they know you well or not - have to say about you? Doesn't that mean that somehow, your happiness is hinged on what other people think of you?

...

On a lighter note, Sassja and I saw Orosman at Zafira, the 3PM screening today. That was my second time seeing it, and I believe it's gotten better. I didn't recognize most of the faces onstage this afternoon, but all the same, the production was beautiful. Some pictures from the show:

Good show, good show. Makes me proud to be part of the UP family, even if I'm not DUP at all.