One week to the summer, and for once I’m excited.
Six summers ago, I was 14 and touted to become part of my high school paper’s Editorial Board. To earn the responsibility, we had to attend this extremely fun writing seminar that our own moderator – only 24 at that time – organized especially for us, perhaps out of pity that children with such endless free time were letting their high school experience tick by without any real moments of productivity. Miss G, as we called her then and as I call her now, devoted one part of her lecture on grammar and prose and stylistics to Job Descriptions. Six summers on, I fail to recall exactly which English grammar rules we talked about – and yes, I still have trouble with who and whom – but I still remember – almost perfectly – what little we discussed about Job Descriptions.
In a management setting, a leader has to tell her subordinates exactly what is expected of them. A checklist must be provided: do this, do that, you’re forbidden from doing any of the things listed below. I remember this lecture quite well because the examples given were completely far out. Supposedly, at the end of a first date one had enjoyed immensely – therefore, ensuring the occurrence of a second date with the same person – one must write down rules for the other to agree to or to amend. This practice, Miss G convinced us, would make less possible the chances of a couple breaking up due to misunderstandings. See, if you both knew what to expect out of each other, life would be less complicated, right?
[And here, I interrupt my own reflections to promote my favorite anime series of all time, Ghost Hunt. What follows is a line from a Fanfic dedicated to the show, and although the plot of the story’s not at all canon, the characterization is excellent. So Shibuya Kazuya, despicable protagonist extraordinaire, says:
“Wouldn't you think that a relationship that serves multiple purposes would be more likely to endure? It's only logical—as a consumer, you select the option that suits most of your needs. The more functions it serves, the more it justifies itself. That's the way you would choose a cell phone, a car, even a piece of furniture—why not a girlfriend?"~ Shibuya Kazuya, Rules of Engagement by Amaranth Adanae
In the real world, however, no one really lays down the rules first thing. In fact I doubt a lot of people set guidelines for relationships at all. We, all of us, can be saved from a lot of pain if we’re not egged on to believe we’ll be getting exactly what we want out of personal relations. We can be saved from a lot of pain if we know, early on, what we can and cannot have, what we should and should not expect.
And though I’m a personal believer of ‘trial by fire’ I also think not everybody is better off after experiencing heartache. A friend, for example, had believed she would get so much out of an endeavor she had poured all her time, her energy, her hopes into – only to realize, three years later, that the foundations of said enterprise made it impossible for all her expectations to be achieved. Long story short, she got hurt. She’s still hurting.
And while I personally rejoice when my heart twinges, no matter how softly – if only to prove I’m still human – I don’t like seeing the people around me cry. And I certainly don’t like seeing the people around me get hurt because they didn’t know what they were getting into. I think it’s one of the saddest things ever, expectation.
