Schoolgirl Tendencies and Long-Forgotten Twinges of the Heart

During my inner-child bonding moments, I tell myself I will never subscribe to my peers' tendency of talking too much about their love lives - both real and imaginary. It's not that I don't enjoy the hormonal fluctuations that leave me feeling high for weeks on end - because I enjoy kilig stories just as much as the next girl - it's just that there are times when I feel talking about "love" is excessive. For example:

Oh my God, I just saw him today, and he was so cute!

Despite that random impersonation being an utter failure of an illustration, I'm sure you get the idea. I do not enjoy going fangirl over people I see up close on a regular basis - the idea of seriously stalking a person and dreaming about being together with said person just didn't appeal to me.

Lately though, I've (involuntarily) been waking up to the image of one person - and it's becoming increasing difficult to pull myself from dreams which I find lucid enough to be alarming. (This snooze syndrome has "encouraged" me to cut through two early morning classes this week alone - but that's another story.) What's worse is that during my supposedly waking hours, I also think of said person - the WORST part is I actually enjoy thinking about him.

Whatever happened to the me who was cynical about "love"? Katkat once commented I was "too young to be jaded"; this she concluded after one conversation - in McDo Philcoa, no less. I've never been particularly emotional, or prone to posting love-related status messages on Facebook. So why why why does my balance go berserk with a single thought of this person?

I wanted a solution to this personal dilemma. Predictably, I turned to signs from heaven for help:

If, on the 23rd of July, any of these three events would NOT occur, I would quit him for good:

1. Airplanes by BoB feat. Hayley Williams playing somewhere

2. Seeing Baby James Yap anywhere

3. Sunny weather from 2:30PM-4:00PM

The morning flitted by uneventfully - though I dreamed about him again, I managed to get out of bed 45minutes before my first class. Early afternoon came and I was beginning to feel depressed; owing to my absent-minded nature, I actually sang Airplanes to myself. Also, I had scoured the day's PDI, and there was no sign of Bimby on any page. Around 1:50 in the afternoon, I was sitting in my NatSci1 class, wondering how the day would end.

And then thunder boomed. I knew it was going to rain, tsk. What I didn't expect was for the skies to pour all its pent-up raindrops - hoarding, just to spite the presently-smelly people of Metro Manila - from 2 to about 4PM that day. God's just got the funniest sense of humor, doesn't He?

After that, I knew this was my customized wake-up call; the high was just too good to be true. And although this evening, I came across a picture of the Aquino-Yap family (minus Josh) on the cover of Buzz, wala na, alam na. I'm surrendering. I'm too transparent to lie about my feelings anyway, so nipping a potential love story in the bud is my best course of action.

I'm posting this rant here just to humor myself. Ma'am Grace, after my heart broke that year, told me that one day I'd look back on everything that had happened and laugh - which was true. I'm hoping that at the end of this year, when I look back on this post, I'll laugh. And I'll think how hilarious it is that I was so frustrated by a scenario that was too vague to cause any serious problems in the first place.