As a matter of fact, i don't. For the nth time, I've just been reminded that as of now, my life ain't going anywhere. Emo, noh?
When I feel sad, I buy a good DVD and drown myself in movies. It's not that I want to escape reality or anything - scratch that, maybe I do. I want to go on an adventure, and be an explorateur, and belong to a world where the things that matter aren't talent or money or brains or PR skills. Although it pains to admit it, I really don't think I have any redeeming quality except for the fact that I'm nice.
Nice. There's a running joke that if someone asks you whether someone else's girlfriend/ boyfriend is a looker and you don't think so, you should say "S/he's nice." And doesn't it originally mean foolish or something? Not exactly the best adjective I'd like to attach next to my name.
So anyway, I just came here to rant. I'm ranting because, after several years of trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life - and I had to rush my rumination, you know, because I am supposed to be a graduating student next year - I figured out what I wanted to do, only to have that dream shattered by a single statement by an innocent friend.
Walking past the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice this afternoon, Phillter suddenly said that what he really wanted to be was someone in the Philippine diplomatic corps. Out loud, I just sort of teased him because he had also mentioned something about wanting to be a magazine editor, but at the back of my mind, I thought, "Hmm, same dream." And then, perfect follow-up, he said that he wanted that job all right, but lost hope when KLou told him that out of 5,000 applicants, only 2 are accepted in the DFA as part of the diplomatic corps.
It didn't hit me then, the weight of that simple statement. But now, after FBing, and seeing works of a certain young friend of mine - I used to want to be a writer but I gave up without progressing even one notch up the ladder of talent - I realized how pathetic I was. If I ever become part of that 5,000 and even just one out of half the people I know would be applying for the same position as I am, then I'd lose my chance without ever being given one.
No, seriously. What I am I gonna do with my life?
When I feel sad, I buy a good DVD and drown myself in movies. It's not that I want to escape reality or anything - scratch that, maybe I do. I want to go on an adventure, and be an explorateur, and belong to a world where the things that matter aren't talent or money or brains or PR skills. Although it pains to admit it, I really don't think I have any redeeming quality except for the fact that I'm nice.
Nice. There's a running joke that if someone asks you whether someone else's girlfriend/ boyfriend is a looker and you don't think so, you should say "S/he's nice." And doesn't it originally mean foolish or something? Not exactly the best adjective I'd like to attach next to my name.
So anyway, I just came here to rant. I'm ranting because, after several years of trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life - and I had to rush my rumination, you know, because I am supposed to be a graduating student next year - I figured out what I wanted to do, only to have that dream shattered by a single statement by an innocent friend.
Walking past the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice this afternoon, Phillter suddenly said that what he really wanted to be was someone in the Philippine diplomatic corps. Out loud, I just sort of teased him because he had also mentioned something about wanting to be a magazine editor, but at the back of my mind, I thought, "Hmm, same dream." And then, perfect follow-up, he said that he wanted that job all right, but lost hope when KLou told him that out of 5,000 applicants, only 2 are accepted in the DFA as part of the diplomatic corps.
It didn't hit me then, the weight of that simple statement. But now, after FBing, and seeing works of a certain young friend of mine - I used to want to be a writer but I gave up without progressing even one notch up the ladder of talent - I realized how pathetic I was. If I ever become part of that 5,000 and even just one out of half the people I know would be applying for the same position as I am, then I'd lose my chance without ever being given one.
No, seriously. What I am I gonna do with my life?
1 comments:
surprise, surprise. i'm having a full-blown pity-party, kicking off by commenting on my own blog entry.
pray that i'll be much happier the next time i drop by.
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